Rankings: Part I

02/25/2010 4:52 PM - 

Contributed by Mike Gallagher

1. LeBron James: Duh.
2. Kevin Durant: He‘ll be number two in next year‘s drafts.
3. Dirk Nowitzki: New Wizards won‘t hurt him at all.
4. Danny Granger: Batman has finally returned, but still has some shooting woes.
5. Jason Kidd: Kidd was the best player in eight-cat leagues over the past month. Hard to believe, but it‘s true.
6. Brook Lopez: He‘s really the only reliable big out there.
7. Deron Williams: The quad shouldn‘t cost him more than a couple games.
8. Kobe Bryant: I‘m just not sure if he can stay healthy with so many injury concerns.
9. Amare Stoudemire: He‘s scored 19 or more in 12 straight and has been providing good multi-cat lines.
10. Gerald Wallace: Crash has been the man in his last two. I‘d like to call him Crash Man, but that guy with the pink bombs from Mega Man II has that name already.
11. Dwyane Wade: Not sure if he‘ll be 100 percent for a while.
12. Pau Gasol: He‘s been rolling, but will his hamstring hold up?
13. Steve Nash: The back and abdomen issues will probably cost him a couple more games.
14. David Lee: He‘s the seventh ranked player this year in eight-cat, so this might be a bit low.
15. Dwight Howard: I despise the free throw shooting, but he has been a freak in points, blocks, rebounds, and field goal percentage.
16. Carmelo Anthony: Melo looks poised for a nice finish, but still has mild health issues.
17. Andre Iguodala: The real A.I. has been putting up great D to go along with 20-plus in four straight.
18. Josh Smith: 10th best player in the last two weeks has looked like the first round pick we thought we would be two years ago.
19. Joe Johnson: Joe Cool has been smokin‘ lately. Get it?
20. Chris Bosh: He‘s still dealing with the ankle, but should be ready for next week.
21. Rajon Rondo:It‘s really hard to get a healthy point guard and Rondo has been dropping dimes like a clumsy drug dealer.
22. Monta Ellis: Moped is back, but that left knee is too troubling for me.
23. Chauncey Billups: He has scored over 25 in three straight (yes, I‘m counting the Golden State game tonight).
24. Brandon Roy: Like about 10 guys on this list, he‘d be a lot higher at 100 percent health.
25. Paul Pierce: Make that 11 guys (I counted).
26. Stephen Curry: He is the 14th ranked player in eight-cat. Wow.
27. Chris Paul: He should be around for the fantasy playoffs, but Hornets need to be in the hunt. However, in roto leagues he is outside of the top 50.
28. Zach Randolph: I’m still perplexed by the three-block and four-steal game against the Lakers.
29. Carlos Boozer: Boozer has brought three 30-packs to the party in the past 15 days.
30. Stephen Jackson: Cap‘n Jack wrecked the boat at Staples, but has smooth sailing for the rest of the season.
31. Russell Westbrook: Westbrook had more dimes than Candice Bergen in the past month (9.4).
32. Andrea Bargnani: His numbers have fallen off a bit sans Bosh, but he‘ll be back.
33. Chris Kaman: The Caveman needs to get some more blocks to get rolling, but boards and points have built him a nice chassis.
34. Devin Harris: He recently scored 28 points as a season high. Not what his owners expected this season.
35. Tyreke Evans: Lately he has been dropping dimes like Henry Hill. Even Jimmy Conway was impressed with the career-high 13 assists against Detroit.
36. Andray Blatche: Since the trades, he has been wrecking fantasy opponents’ lives as badly as Elmo Blatch wrecked Andy Dufresne‘s life.
37. Al Jefferson: Jefferson has put up two nickels worth of points in four straight (that‘s five cents times two, not double-nickel like Jordan).
38. Marc Gasol: Even though he has the same intials as I do, he isn’t having an impressive February.
39. Tim Duncan: He hasn‘t shown any sign of slowing down outside of resting one game back on January 13th. There are probably more DNP‘s coming.
40. Rudy Gay: I really have to avoid a joke on this one, but Rudy has been playing well and getting a lot of minutes.
41. Aaron Brooks: Brooks is having more dimes than a 1994 Snoop Dogg party lately.*
42. O.J. Mayo: Too bad Mayo isn‘t a pitcher and we could talk about his Miracle Whip. 14 threes in his last five.
43. Andrew Bogut: His value is just too high right now and his owners should really consider selling-high.
44. Luol Deng: 31 points and four blocks last night? Deng, son!
45. David West: He is still one of the biggest busts this year, but he is out of the top five.
46. Nene: The name so nice you say it twice has been scoring a lot lately.
47. Kevin Garnett: He hasn‘t been able to return to double-double status, but two blocks per game in his last four is a nice piece to his game.
48. Derrick Rose: Rose nearly had a trip-dub against Indy and really needs to work on his three-point shooting to become a top-40 pick next year.
49. Tyrus Thomas: I honestly wanted to put him inside of the top-35, but then again,it is Tyrus The Virus.
50. Darren Collison: If CP3 for some reason misses the rest of the season, D.C. is really a top-30 option. By the way, do the Hornets have to trade him in the off-season?

Thanks for reading and I hope some of the jokes weren’t too obscure. Check back this weekend for the second half of our top 100.

You think I’m way off on any of these guys? Feel free to rip me in the comment section below.

*Snoop joke courtesy of Mike Carroll.

Photo courtesy of Getty Images and NBAE.